Summer

It's hard finding  a good spot to start talking. I had some things written, but then decided that I didn't need to share that stuff. Honestly I have been wanting to write for awhile, but I've struggled with what to write about. I mean I have a lot of thoughts that run though my mind, but I don't ever know what to really right about. 

Today though I am going to share some songs that have spoke to me this summer. 

At the beginning of April this year James' company he worked for filed for bankruptcy. Everyone was let go except a small crew to help make sure nothing happened to any of the planes while they went though this. James and two others workers here in Bethel were left on. So now James had become the go to person for the base here in town.  His schedule also changed. Instead of two weeks on and two weeks off he went to an eight hour five day week. It was a big adjustment for us a family, but it was nice too. 

We had no clue on how long James would be working. We kept hearing different dates and so we didn't know how long we had. It was a strange feeling for us as we still had a job, but James coworkers lost their job. We were thankful that we still had an income and insurance, but also felt guilty because he still had a job. 

So during this time I was struggling. I knew we were going to be losing our financial security, this has been the biggest struggle for me. James had been with the company for 8 years. Not going to lie and say our finances were perfect because they weren't, but this year we could have set money aside and possibly bought a house. We were going the right direction. The only debt we really had was our car. I know that we shouldn't have to worry or stress over money. I should be dependent on God with our finances. This summer has been a learning to trust and lean on God more then ever. 

This first song is called OK by Josh Wilson. 

This song really spoke to me during a time this summer that I didn't know how I should feel. I felt that because James had a job I should be happy. Which I was, but it's hard to stay happy when you know he is going to lose his job. 

https://youtu.be/eEHy2F3uPTE

This song is called Truth Be Told by Matthew West

When I heard the song it really made me question and think hard on how I answer when people ask me how I am doing. I've been working on being honest on how I am feeling. But earlier this summer would have made me say I'm fine. Even though on the inside I was struggling with what had been going on in our life. 

https://youtu.be/9XsZi9QT6a8

Last month we had a womens retreat at our church. The retreat normally happens out in Willow, but because of covid-19 the leadership made it available online.  One thing that was asked was who was I pouring into, but also who was filling me up. The example used was to use a mason jar and decided how full it was. That would represent how you much you had to give to people. Then we had to write down who we are pouring into and then we had to write who in our life was filling us up. 

Well this lesson really hit home for me. When I wrote it all out I realize I was spent. I had nothing left to really give my family. I was just making it by. I used worship songs to get me through. That is how I came across these two songs. But what I realize is that I wasn't reading my Bible and getting fed by God's word. Going to church has been good, but I'm hit and miss on hearing the sermon because of my children.

I will say things are getting better, but not perfect. I'm trying harder to be in the Word more. I want to grow closer the Lord and I know I need to discipline myself.