my mind

Yesterday, 8-7-11, was an interesting day for me. I was happy one minute and then mad then crying because i'm being mean to my husband, to realizing why all of this was going on inside me. Anyways... poor James had to deal with my change in thinking. I was getting mad at him for no reason. As he sat patiently in our room waiting for me to start talking, which I really didn't want to do, but he didn't listen when I told him to leave me alone. When I look back I'm glad he didn't leave. He has learned that I get mad at him for leaving me. I tell him that he is ignoring me, but then again I get mad if he stays around me. He has been able to read me and is able to tell what he should do, stay or leave. Well yesterday he decided to stay. When I started talking, it came out that I just wanted to go "home" back to Michigan. I wanted to be near my family. Mostly my niece and nephews. Yes I miss my siblings and my parents, etc..., but it was mostly my niece and nephews. My sister Kim posted a youtube video on facebook of "stronger" by Hillsong.  What she was saying about it, was that she loved listening to a 3 year sing his heart out in this song. She is (to my knowledge) talking about our nephew Jack. As much as I love listening to and singing this song. I have needed to stop because all I do is cry because I miss him singing it. When I was back in Michigan we would be on youtube listening to different music and sometimes that song would be one of the options that we have to listen to. He would sing this song whenever he was scared of something. I love how he can know that he can rely on God's strength when he is only 3 years old. I'm so glad that my sister and my brother-in-law have set a Christ like example in their home. Well James had to encourage me yesterday. I knew it was going to be hard moving up here to Alaska. James knew how hard it was going to be on me more then I did. So he will sit there patiently waiting for me to calm down. I apologized to him for yelling at him at the end. For me I just have to sit and think about what is wrong with me. I might not want his company when I do, but in the long run I'm glad he stays because then I don't have to go look for him when I am ready to talk. 

Comments

  1. AnonymousAugust 8, 2011 at 3:13 PM

    Oh Becky,, I so feel for you! I lived in Florida for 2 months after graduation and it was hard being away from all my nieces & nephews at that time, so I know your heart is breaking over not being able to snuggle anytime you want. Maybe if you schedule weekly Skpe Chats with Robin, it will help you feel closer with the kids, and you will know on certain days you get to see and talk with them. Love you! Aunt Sheely

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