The Waiting Game

So last week James started his new job in Bethel, AK. It's about an hour flight from the place we live now. While James is working down there he is suppose to look for a vehicle and a house for us. We know that this is where God wants us, but it's a little hard waiting and see what he has planned for us. I'm hoping and praying that James will be able to find a place for us to live and a vehicle to drive, so we can be reunited again as husband and wife. I get to see him Friday- Sunday, but it's not the same as seeing him everyday. Trying to have important conversations on the phone because they can't wait is hard. Last night I was started crying over some of the important yet silly little things. I really wanted him here with me so he could take me in his arms and tell me everything is going to be all right, instead he had to tell me through a text message. Another on my waiting game is getting pregnant. Last night I just cried and poured my heart out to God about it. Am I not getting pregnant because I am going through so many changes in my life, or is it because it's not time for James and I to have a child yet. We might not get pregnant until we get settle in Bethel. It's extremely hard for me every month when I find out that I'm not pregnant. I get extremely emotional and I start shutting people out of my life. I'm trying not to get that way, but when I always get asked I just want to tell people it's none of their business and to leave me alone, but I don't. I just tell people that ask me;especially people who have just met me; that it's up to the Lord. It's all in God's hands.
On New Years Day, the family went around the table saying what they wanted to try and change in their life. For me I told them that I wanted to get back into the word of God and to trust in Him with the timing of getting pregnant. It's extremely hard for me. Every time I start to think why I'm not pregnant I sit and tell myself that it's not my time, it's God's. I have been leaving it in His hand every time I see myself going down the road of why not now.
Hopefully my waiting game on all that is not terribly long. I will be okay if it is because I have been leaving it in God's hands. Every time I start to doubt I ask the Lord to take away those feeling and fill me with peace in knowing it won't be long and that I will survive all of this

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